There I was…sitting in a chair across from my new PT (Physical Therapist). He began listing his goals for me as he discussed, in length, my Epic Fails!
“Wait a minute! I am not here to find out what you think is wrong with me!”
No…I did not say that out loud…but boy was the thought bouncing around my head like a high-scoring Pinball game. He said “Here is what I see:”
You limp and tend to put you weight on the right side of your body. (genius!)
You slump over a bit when sitting…possibly due to upper back pain. (wow…really)
You don’t exercise! (I had finally had it!)
“Have you read my chart?”
He gave me this look and it was at that point I began to wonder what this physical therapist really knew. “PT”- Physical Therapy or Pure Torture! Pure Torture…obviously! With a syrup-dripping sweetness I offered the information he had missed when reading my chart. “I love to walk and was walking 3-4 miles a day 4-5 days a week…then I fell!” He began flipping through the chart and finds the information. Excited he then moved to the diet portion of the discussion. “Diet…portion…hehe!”
You will need to watch you calorie intake because you are OBESE! “EXCUSE ME!”
He began telling me the ways to cut calories and how to choose my carbs and avoid sugars…or and portion control.
“Have you read my chart?”
His blank stare and quick shuffling of the pages told me, once again, that he had somehow missed that information. So I filled him in on that…I told him about being diagnosed with Diabetes and overcoming it with diet and exercise. I also told him I had been “OBESE” when I weighed over 300 pounds but lost almost 145 pounds when I cut my carbs and sugars. The color began to drain from his face. He re-grouped and said…”I assume you have cut out Alcohol and Caffeine?” With a raised eyebrow I smiled and sweetly responded…”Nope!” “I don’t drink alcohol that often and as for caffeine…well…I probably drink more coffee in a year than the population of a small country.” I knew what was coming next as his “Cheshire Cat grin” slowly crept onto his face. I beat him to the punch. “I was told by several of my doctors year ago to continue with my caffeine due to migraines and asthma. Caffeine is readily the best method due to moving the blood at a faster rate and opening the blood vessels. The main problem with both migraines and asthma is the contraction of the blood vessels.” He nodded in agreement and said he wanted to perform a strength test. After that he seem surprised and said I was stronger than most 30 year old women. I then laid down on a table and he asked me to breathe in and out. I did! He asked for me to take a deep breath…go ahead…”I did!” The problem was he was waiting for my shoulders to move…”How do you breath?”
“Have You Read My Chart?”
“I am a singer…trained…long-time singer and learned a long time ago to breathe using my diaphragm.” As I laid there I could hear the flipping of pages. I sat up and smiled…”I am here to try and find relief from this pain so I can return to walking and loose this weight I have gained back. I am not your average person and have overcome many obstacles. Can you help me?”
“How about we try and find out why you started falling and work on balance and re-strengthening of your weaker muscle groups?” We shook hands and set up a plan.
I start next week…we will see how well this goes! As for today…more pain management injections and a visit with the chiropractor. Goody…Goody! I am off to start my day and what a day it is. Wish me luck!
As for you…Have a great day!
I had lost almost 150 pounds…Yep!…all by myself without medical intervention.
I was not going to let anyone tell me it could not be done much less how to do it. I surprised everyone with the weight I lost. It took me 3 and 1/2 years but I did it…from a size 3X-4X to a size 12. Then I fell and hurt myself and the series of events began flooding my life with interruptions. I could not go walking and the weight began coming back. The good news is that I have maintain a level and am still way smaller than I used to be. “I am very proud of myself for this achievement!” But I am also aware of the gain and it had begun to bring on a depressing spirit. “NO!” It was time to get back to the basics.
The original reason for the weight loss was the diagnosis of Diabetes. I am part of a family who, for the most part, all have blood pressure issues and Diabetes. Weight loss has always been a problem in my family, except for my brother. It has been a long standing joke that he only had to say he was going to exercise and the weight would flee. He was always very active and his lifestyle embraced activity. I immediately began cutting the Carbs and Sugars in my diet. I lessened the portions and how I ate certain foods. The weight began slowly coming off and I could see and feel the difference. I began walking and had gotten up to 3-4 miles a day for 4 times a week. “I love walking!” I had some great tunes and would just go…in my own little zone.
I had planned to start walking this week only to have rain all week keep me from this task. There is always next week and the forecast is clear. “YES!” I went and bought salad makings and snackies. “Know your limits!” I count the carbs and sugars and put things back on the shelf refusing to bend. “I can do this!” I have already seen a difference. My rings are beginning to jingle on my finger and I can reach around my wrist again with overlap of my fingers. Two weeks ago it was finger tip to finger tip. I know this may sound like a silly way to judge weight loss but every little bit helps motivate. I have increased my water intake to the point of spending more time in the bathroom. The walking and running to the nearest bathroom can be treacherous but the motion involved in finding the bathroom is good. “HEHE!”
The next step was to rid myself of the several temptations that were still in the house from the holidays. “I love to bake!” I sold many pies and cakes and made fudge, sold by the pound, during the Thanksgiving and Christmas Seasons. I had made a 3-layer Red Velvet Cake for our Christmas and two Chocolate Chip Pecan Pies and about 4 pounds of fudge. Before you get the wrong idea….the fudge recipe used fat free sweetened condensed milk and dark chocolate. My sugar levels, being monitored by my doctor during the first year of diagnosis, were found to be normal even when eating almost a pound in a week. He also found that I had even lost weight during that week. “Not much but there was loss.” Back to ridding myself of temptations….I threw everything into the garbage can, with a ceremonial “Out you go…no more for me” spoken with with item added, and washed the dishes. No more pie…no more fudge…Christmas candy gone…Christmas cookies gone…No temptation!
Wednesday I had about 530 calories and yesterday I had about 740. I sure wish this was going to be easy…but I can rest assured that it will be easier than before. I only want to lose 45 pounds!!!! and that is much easier than the original 100+. If the family is having food that I should not….I will fix a patty or chicken with salad. I will live with the growling belly of desire and overcome! The clothes that used to fit loosely, that are now tight and binding, will be loose again. I had the opportunity to buy a lovely sweater jacket last night at Bass Pro and put it back on the rack. My husband told me to get it…I smiled and said it would be a waste of $$$ money$$$ because I will not be that size for long. He smiled back, as if to challenge me, and said “I know!”
Cuz, you remember the before and after…and you were a motivational influence for me. That influence is still a part of my dedication to this path. Thank you for your unspoken guidance and non-judgmental love during this season of my life. I look forward to another trip to that delightful store, that I cannot speak of in the house of young men, to buy more “Pink”. “They will not even watch the commercials with me in the room.” I sure wish we could walk together but the distance between us and schedules keep us apart. I will make sure to diet healthy and get an accountability network in place. This will guarantee that I will succeed safely. I cannot be like the models or actors on TV because I did not have that type of body to begin with. I know my limitations and am happy with that. So here is to getting “Back to Basics with my Diet!” I am sooooo ready!
I’m nervous. There were parts of today where I felt like I was trusting my body. Trusting that God made it just right to send me the right signals, but now there is going to be Chinese. Ooooey, gooey mounds of gleaming meat doing the backstroke in mysterious sauces.
I know it’s fattening. So fattening.
But I’m supposed to trust my body. Don’t worry about what I know to be true. My body will let me know what it wants to eat. It will let me know when it is full.
Yet, my body has betrayed me time and again.
Like I said, I did well today. Well, I did well MOST of today. After work I went to Costco to get some contacts. While there, I got hungry. Just a little bit hungry, though. Just a tad. But I am afraid of hunger – that it will lead me to destruction. I realized that I was two hours from getting that Chinese. Could I make it two hours without making myself actually BECOME the Mongolian Beef later? In the car, I opened the banana from my lunch (which I forwent earlier). In my defense I only ate half.
Then I got home, let the dog out, and became obsessed with the thought of the grits and greens casserole I made yesterday. Mmmmm. My first try at grits and greens. It’s a keeper of a recipe. So yummy. I glanced at the clock. Easily an hour and a half before dinner. Would a bit hurt?
Come on, now!!! Nothing in Weigh Down says to eat casseroles cold out of the fridge with no ceremony!! Nothing says eat those bites quickly before my roomie gets home and catches me! What does that even matter? God knows. I know. I ate three bites (large bites), and then sort of came to my senses.
On the way upstairs to write this, I ate a square of Ghiradelli chocolate – the last one. I was not hungry. I did not need it. Now, guess what? Food will probably arrive on my table in one hour, and I am not hungry. I will (HOPEFULLY) contain myself and split the check with two ladies who will actually eat. My loss financially.
Then I will come home and try to get through the night without messing up more. I think I will once again pray for forgiveness and for strength, asking God to redeem the stuff I break, even if this time the only think I broke was my own resolve.
I said I would never diet again. Not after the weight fell off with no effort. No starving. No over-doing anything. All I did was leave crazy house, and the weight fell off. Look at Funny Girl: she left crazy house (to go to school) and instead of finding the freshman 15, she lost it. No, I said I would never diet again.
Then comes the weight. Where did it come from? I have analyzed and analyzed. I’ve read and researched ways to go about doing this again. But my heart isn’t in it. Deep down, I don’t believe it is a math problem like I did before (which of course it is: calories in – calories out = weight). But in my heart, I believe it is bigger than that.
I think about half the weight came from changing jobs. Seems like teaching uses more calories than you would think. But where it came from doesn’t matter.
I need a heart overhaul, and right now I believe more than anything that God is getting my attention through my body. Long time ago, I did the Weigh Down Workshop. It was beautiful. I felt that I was on the brink of something much bigger than weight loss, but then my husband came home from sea, and I needed to dwell on the earth rather than in the heavens. I’m not sure why that derailed the adventure – no, that’s not true, I do know. He had a tendency to think I was a religious kook every time I said anything too spiritual.
Anyway, I was nearly in HIS hands. The body was there, but the heart had almost followed. That’s what I want.
I bought a couple of related prayer books and watched some old videos. I want to trust God with this. I am afraid of hunger, but I want to trust HIM with that pain just as I trusted the chiropractor with my neck. Relax, he says right before I know he is going to cause me some fear and pain. But then I feel better. Am I willing to trust God as much as I trust a man? I hope so.
Pensive Girl has a new-ish car. She totaled her new Civic about six months ago and used the money to buy an Audi TT with nearly 200,000 miles on it. The train of logic ran something like this: we’ll save the difference in the insurance pay-out and use it for repairs.
Let’s just say that the money is gone and Pensive Girl’s boyfriend now has intimate knowledge of the inner workings of Audi TTs.
On the up side, the car has brand new insides. I want to know how to get that. How do I get a brain that resolves to do things (like lose weight) with the strength mentioned in the chiropractor’s sign?
My brain has knocks – the kind cars used to get back in the day. Only my brain grumbles. About the size of the closet, the cabinets, the table, the rooms. About the amount of gas my car uses (realize that my car was a gift – talk about looking a gift horse in the tank). I need to get rid of the knocks.
I need more than a weight-loss resolution this year. I need a brain overhaul.
I have thought for about a year that the answer is a church with a choir. I visited one for a while, but I never joined the choir because it conflicted with my Bible study. Still, though, I think that is really more of a new paint job, when what I really need is a new engine.