I said I would never diet again. Not after the weight fell off with no effort. No starving. No over-doing anything. All I did was leave crazy house, and the weight fell off. Look at Funny Girl: she left crazy house (to go to school) and instead of finding the freshman 15, she lost it. No, I said I would never diet again.
Then comes the weight. Where did it come from? I have analyzed and analyzed. I’ve read and researched ways to go about doing this again. But my heart isn’t in it. Deep down, I don’t believe it is a math problem like I did before (which of course it is: calories in – calories out = weight). But in my heart, I believe it is bigger than that.
I think about half the weight came from changing jobs. Seems like teaching uses more calories than you would think. But where it came from doesn’t matter.
I need a heart overhaul, and right now I believe more than anything that God is getting my attention through my body. Long time ago, I did the Weigh Down Workshop. It was beautiful. I felt that I was on the brink of something much bigger than weight loss, but then my husband came home from sea, and I needed to dwell on the earth rather than in the heavens. I’m not sure why that derailed the adventure – no, that’s not true, I do know. He had a tendency to think I was a religious kook every time I said anything too spiritual.
Anyway, I was nearly in HIS hands. The body was there, but the heart had almost followed. That’s what I want.
I bought a couple of related prayer books and watched some old videos. I want to trust God with this. I am afraid of hunger, but I want to trust HIM with that pain just as I trusted the chiropractor with my neck. Relax, he says right before I know he is going to cause me some fear and pain. But then I feel better. Am I willing to trust God as much as I trust a man? I hope so.