Peach State says: A Teasing Glimpse into my Future

Empty Nest….The day will never come!  But life will tease you with the idea.

My oldest moved out again and left us with 3 boys still here.  The two oldest, still at home, are working odd jobs and do have plans to move out but I do not know when.  The youngest…well he is still in school.  My second born is out of town for the next 10 days and there is a weird light at the end of my tunnel.  This is a taste of what things will be like…My 3rd son is constantly gone; leaving me with the youngest at home while my husband is at work.  Not to bad!

The up side is that the daily activities are lessened and allow for a little more me time.  Meal planning and clean-up are a breeze with just three to feed.  Yesterday, I decided on dinner and prepared it, putting my husband’s in the microwave for reheating, and cleaned up the kitchen.  It was done in record time.  There was no complaining or dragging of heels…I could even watch my TV show as I cleaned.  “Wow! What a concept!”  The noise level was greatly diminished with the exception of the questions and laughter coming from the youngest.  He is uniquely verbal and loud when everyone is in the house but when it is just the two of us he is …. well… louder.  We are still working on fine tuning his actions.

We have only had him, in our family, July 2007.  He turned 7 that August and is now 11 years old.  He is a child with Special Needs,  not severe, and still acts like a 6-7 year old.  He is a smart little boy and very artistic.  He loves to draw and invent!  Sadly, he is not one to share is emotions unless they are negative.  He is prone to temper tantrums due to frustration he experiences involving limits and classwork.  He does not know love or how to show it.  He will not talk about emotions and does not want or like physical contact.  “We have tried everything…”  Remember the different types of handshakes? You have the Firm and quick, the Standard grip with 2-3 shakes, and the Cold-Fish or grip-less handshake.  The Cold-Fish or grip-less hand shake is when the person does not even grab your hand, it feels fragile and emotionally empty.  That is the way my youngest hugs.  A better picture is the greeting of kissing on both cheeks but in the air.  No touchy…no feely!  I love hugs….and it leaves me feeling very empty and unloved. We do not have any germs or cooties!  We have tried showing him how to hug but he did not want to be touched.  I hate to tell him…He is in the wrong family…we are all huggers.  Enough about this…maybe, with time, things will change.

After my youngest went to bed last night…my husband and I watched what we wanted to watch, without the typical interruptions from siblings.  Minor conflict was absent and the only event on the horizon was the coming home of the 18 year old.  “He was at his girlfriend’s…his home away from home.”  They have been together for over a year now and she liked him for 2 years prior.  The house was quiet….with the reassuring hum of the TV.  The boisterous and often comedic interaction has been replaced by silence…empty, void, and everything I had always hoped for!  “Oh, Sorry!”  It is just plain quiet!  I know the noise level is only part of the issue…

Let’s talk transportation…I don’t have a car now!!! With the boys gone and my husband driving my car….I get to stay home!  I don’t like this aspect of my future.  I have places to go and people to see and no way to get there unless a friend picks me up and brings me home.  I work my schedule around the boys schedules to have a vehicle at my disposal.  I can say that I have some wonderful friends who are willing to pick me up and drop me back home.  Typically it is just to church and back!  They are going there anyway!  The revolving door is in constant motions as the cars come in the driveway and out of the driveway.  BEEP..BEEP…BEEP goes the door alarm and someone is home or leaving.  You have to be able to think on your feet to catch them and arrange for use of one of their cars.  It does give me an out to certain activities that I may have otherwise had to attend.  To this I am grateful!

This teasing  glimpse of the Empty Nest is starting to get old.  Enough with the making of plans…I want to move to the nest step!  Where is the “EASY” button (like the one from Staples) that I can push?  Did someone disconnect the ejection seat?  I am aware things are going to be difficult the way things are in the world right now.  It is hard to stand on your own two feet much less when you are just starting out.  “But I can dream!”  I know it will be hard, the day it finally happens, and I am left with just my husband…but I am preparing myself.  I don’t want to go through the miry clay, pits of despair, or Empty Nest Syndrome unprepared.  I want to experience that time of my life and enjoy that part of life in  a peaceful,  only in the movies, type of manner.  I want to put my office, upstairs, in one of their bedrooms.  I want to have a place to put my collectibles.  How about a guest room instead of kicking a son out of his room and into another when people come for a visit.

This peaceful little tease is just what the doctor ordered.  It is getting me prepared…s-l-o-w-l-y!  But I do enjoy the humor and conversation!  I would miss this most of all…that and the waiting to use the washing machine.  Yep..life will be so much easier…but until that day I will continue on this path of motherhood.  I will function the way I do everyday.  “Move your laundry!, move your car!, can I get your keys?, I am leaving, when will you be home?’ I will not have to speak when they are gone!!!! There will be nothing to say!  How funny is that?

Have a great day!

D.L.

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About justbetweencousins

We are first cousins who live farther apart from each other than we would like. We thought this blog would give us a chance to visit with each other as well as maybe share a few insights about life. We are both middle aged and until recently both of us had kids the same age (nearly grown). But then the Peach State cuz adopted a son, so she has four now. Heart of Dixie cuz has two daughters. We have a couple of things which are prominently in common (although I'm sure there are actually more): We vacation at our Mema's beach house in Panama City Beach, Florida - until recently, we did so with all of our kids. We both sing - although Heart of Dixie cuz is not currently singing anywhere right now. We both write. We are both Christians, although Peach State cuz is Baptist, and Heart of Dixie is currently floating about between the Anglican church, the Methodist church, and the Episcopalian church. Long story.

Posted on January 7, 2012, in About me, Just Between Cousins, my life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. The “empty nest” affords me very peaceful mornings in which to do devotionals, Bible study, facebook, and to read my friend’s blog. Thankful that my husband now makes the coffee most mornings because it would be irreverant for me to read your blog without it…even if it is half-caff!

    It really took a loooooong while to get here. Some kids keep moving back…and bringing more human beings with them. You know, the little ones they made with their “soulmate de jour!” However, the liitles ones, though very demanding of Grandma’s attention, are the joy of my life!

    Ahhhh….the “turning their bedroom into an office” ploy. Didn’t work for us! She just kept coming back. Sure, we could have said no, but we didn’t think it was the right answer considering all the circumstances, which I will spare you the ugly details of.

    But, for now it’s better. Our kids and grandkids live very close, and I get to see them all the time. I also get to enjoy some peace and quiet in my house. Sometimes, the silence is deafening, as they say, but usually it’s appreciated. I am a loud person, raised in a loud household, so noise doesn’t bother me, but I truly have come to appreciate the silence. I must have really needed it all along. I say that because when my children were young, most of my creativity such as writing poems, songs, etc. was done in the very late night hours after everyone was asleep, and I knew my phone wouldn’t be ringing.

    I know one thing, having an empty nest isn’t what I imagined. My husband has worked from home for years, and still does. I am happy about that. I like having him here all day! I guess I just thought I’d have fewer migraines, more energy, more money, and much better eyesight! But all in all, it’s good.

  2. How sad that we have these expectations of what life will be like only to have that thought float away like a cloud on a windy day….Clouds are constantly changing just like our lives…The good news is that we both enjoy, in the long run, the life we have.

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